Book Post 3

In this portion James vomits some more and then he is introduced to AA. He believes that believing in AA is just exchanging one addiction for another. James’ emotions are very similar to mine during my time in the program. I feel that AA does not help its members get better, but rather gives them another addiction to focus on. James vomits some more and then he travels to the bathroom to try and look into his eyes. Of course, he cannot. I think that this is due to disgust and shame with himself. I went through a similar experience. During my treatment I did not view myself as a human being and I was ashamed of my actions. It was hard for me to look at myself in the mirror because I was afraid of what I might find. I had not looked at myself for months and I had no idea what had happened to my body. Honestly, I did not want to find out because the thought scared me. That night, James has a nightmare where he kills himself. As he pulls the trigger of the gun, he wakes up. At that point James goes to the bathroom and vomits some more. His roommates follow him and try to help, one of them gives James his shirt because his is dirty. James is moved by this action and bonds with his roommates. It is important to make friends in a program like this because getting better is hard work. When you feel like you cant go on anymore, your friends are right there to push you along. After the night passes James begins to eat. I can relate to this because my first few days in my program I found it hard to eat. After a while I finally started eating. In a way it almost helps you get better. As he is eating James notices a division in the group. The tough stay together as do the rich as well as the poor. His group is divided into subdivisions based on their past life styles. I attribute his discovery to people being compatible with each other because of their past lives. It seems like they would all have more to talk about with each other if they all had something in common. James decides that he is going to kill himself because he feels that the program is not working. He is convinced by another patient to hang on for another day. James has hit rock bottom, he does not feel that he can be helped and he does not want to live anymore. This is the hardest point in any program, but the thought that the night is always darkest before the dawn has always helped me and my friends go on.